You’ve been gone for a decade now. I’ve almost lost track of time but just so happens that October 10th, 2010 is an easy date to remember, how could
I’ve ever known that I would never see you again after our fight? I feel horrible, yet I hold no grudge to that driver. I understand it was raining and he was exhausted... but it still, it’s not fair that you’re no longer here.
You have no idea how much I loved you and how much I still do. I try to do everything just how you taught me to except, perhaps it’s making the girls miss you even more, or possibly I just don’t do it right. And seeing how they too miss you terribly just makes me ache a bit more. Being a single dad is hard, particularly when we used to be a whole family.
I need you. I’m sorry for not coming to clean more often. You have a lot of grass growing though I keep telling the caretaker to clean, he just doesn’t seem to listen. When did I become so hopeless? I feel like I need your approval for everything, even of how to do the dishes. Did I use to seek your consent so much before? Anyway, I’ve met someone, can you believe it? She’s not as beautiful as you, of course! Yet I’ve felt good with her. How I wish you could meet so I would know what you think of her.
Anyhow, her name’s Abigail. She’s very... blonde and small like you, though she doesn’t smell like you nor dances like you neither has that gorgeous mischievous look you gave me any time you wanted to hump me...Damn! You were insatiable. But she seems to like me, and I believe I do like her. We’ve been going out almost every week now, and she seems to be ok with my whole situation.
I couldn’t help myself, the first thing I did was tell her about you. How we met online so many years ago and how things just landed in their place, everything went smoothly. I told her about Anna and Cassy and how happy our home became when they were born, and she’s OK with everything. I’m amazed at how understanding she is.
I’m sorry my love.
I’m sorry I couldn’t pick you up that night.
I’m sorry I was a lousy husband.
I’m sorry I kept forgetting important dates.
I’m sorry I wasn’t nicer with your dad.
I’m sorry I didn’t buy you that china you liked so much.
I’m sorry I never liked ballet.
I’m sorry for bothering our daughters by not smiling more.
I’m sorry I wasn’t with you until the end.
And I’m sorry to have fallen in love with someone else.